Luli Harvey
Counselling

What Conditions Can it Help?

Difficulties in communication for individuals, for couples, or for two people in conflict; other life issues, particularly at this time with current external pressures and world events
For example:

learning to calm oneself down when in a state of worry and anxiety. through well-respected techniques such as breathing, reassuring self-talk, compassionate curiosity. Turning shame based self-criticism into compassionate-based self correction.

learning more effective dialogue, practising listening so that the other person is heard, and speaking so the other person can hear

arguing and fighting with your partner (or family member) more than you can bear

ending or beginning a relationship, changes in the relationship, for example with a new pregnancy

dealing with the crisis of infidelity, and re-envisioning the relationship, making amends, and rebuilding trust

negotiating monogamy or polyamory in a couple

compulsive behaviour getting in the way of harmony and self-care, for example internet pornography, X-box, and so on

sex not being the way you want it, or painful sex, or loss of libido and sex in a long term relationship, sexual shaming

cultural differences and expectations around sex and communication

history of trauma, for example early separation from parents through bereavement or boarding school

sexual issues between same sex couples

traumatic experiences of giving birth, and/or infant loss
adoption issues

Bereavement and unresolved grief


About Psychosexual and Relationship Counselling:

Couples often find it easier to talk about sex and their relationship with a non-judgemental third party in the room, because the third party can facilitate and encourage openness in a safe space, and reflect back issues to both parties in language that does not contain blame and judgement. When a deeper connection forms between two people, they can then solve their problems from a place of self awareness and understanding of the other. Individuals may just want someone to talk to about complex personal issues that have got in the way of easy relating to others.

Some sexual problems are physical and could result from disability, illness, difficult birth-giving, life threatening accidents, or a side effect of medication. You may have already sought medical expertise and tests to establish this aspect, and we will discuss this, and explore the impact of medical intervention on your sense of your body.

Some problems are psychological, originating in negative and shaming childhood messages, physical assaults or accidents, or sexual trauma. Some difficulties can stem from current communication and interpersonal problems, for example a serious imbalance of power within a relationship. Evidence is that the majority of difficulties have a combination of physical and psychological elements, and both need attention. The body records all that happens to it, and will react when a negative trigger occurs. People usually revert to one or two of their best defensive mechanisms, which are fight, flight, freeze or fawn (placate). These defence mechanisms keep people temporarily safe, but do not lead to resolution, hence people repeat their patterns, either by continuing to fight, or avoid conflict or pushing conflict "under the carpet".

Unravelling psychological and relational problems that aren't sorting themselves out and are making life less than wonderful, is the job of therapy. These problems might be long-term, or something that has emerged recently, due to the stresses, anxiety and strain caused by the demands of modern life, and the rising cost of living. Once they are unravelled and explored, it is easier to let go of what you don't need, and bring in what you do need in order to find acceptance and peace of mind, and make warm and safe connections with others.

What Benefits can be Expected?
Some examples:

developing language that does not include blame, judgement, criticism,
interpretation, analysis, or labelling

improved relationships and communication with significant others

more open discussions about sex

a change in behaviour and attitude in order to get more enjoyment out of
life, for example lightening up and letting go of some old pain

learning how to navigate the transition from partners to parents

learning what to ask for in a medical check if it is needed

learning where to go for further training, reading matter, and group work
if wanted

learning more about how to support children through a bad patch in a marriage

learning more how to support children's transition to adolescence

working towards collaborative separation if that is what is wanted

holding together after a traumatic experience of giving birth, post-natal problems, including infant loss

holding together after bereavement and honouring the grief process

and many more according your unique situation.